Dreamseeker

Wahaha..
This is my new favourite song..

I have been listening to this endlessly ever since I got the CD from our local pasar malam @_@

yes if you are wondering like my friend Lynn (She was so happy to listen to it while we ate dim sum the other day), Of course I ripped it
Just ask me if you want a copy =p

Watching 200 Pound Beauty reminded me of what it was like.. to be insecure once. Of knowing that deep down inside, we can wear our masks & pretend we fit in.. But by doing so, we forget who we really are.

I am proud Hanna had the courage to accept herself for who she is.

For what is beauty, without a heart? What is a voice, without a tale… ^_^

Personally, I can relate to her story.. (Although mine wasnt nearly as physically traumatic)
I was big.. I mean I have ALWAYS been big ^_^
But when I was younger, it bothered me alot.
I wasnt always the more talker that you see now.
There was a time I was actually quite afraid to speak to friends.. of voicing my opinion..

I remember there was a time before the age of 12, I started starving myself too, wondering why I was chubbier than other people
I guess not eating was a way of punishing myself..
But then when my mom would by kentucky for me, I guess I would guiltily tuck in & grow even chubbier (apparently ur digestive system gets more efficient if it knows u r starving, so it stores everything.. and i DO mean EVERYTHING)

Ahaha the worst part was.. *sheepishly* I would also admit to not being comfortable around girls
Shy la, what to do..

And shyness tends to bring out the worst in us, we lash out at the world, for not caring.. but we shut our doors, unwilling to see the light

Would I ever see the light?

But I guess that really changed when I hit college.
Nobody knew me.. I could actually start from scratch.
No pre-judged responses.. no inkling of who I was.. where I was from..
"is he popular..?" , "is he smart..?", "is he fun…?"

None.. I made it up as I went along.

I finally got transport (back then it was just a motorbike, but it was definitely an upgrade from the lousy bicycle i once had..)
Wah, with transport, the world opened up..
You can actually do stuff and not have to ask your parents to fetch u around

Wow..I also started going to gym @_@
Was still chubby, but I guess i could bounce around better compared to last time

And I was happy.. finally

We all wear masks..
I guess I found my mask abit later than most..

And in this mask, I fashioned an image of a person whom most people know now..

Does this make me a different person..? Anything more than what I was..?
I really dont know..

It is said that adversity builds character
But yet it is our humanity that we lose with each breath we draw

Growing up changes people.. but I would like to believe that there is still pieces of my innocence lying beneath the layers I have piled atop to keep doubt away.

I guess the song below really captures what I wanted to say..

Maybe one day, I will find what I am looking for.

And for now.. I shall keep my memories close..

200 Pound Beauty, Byul (It means star in Korean by the way @_@)

param gyeoli changeul heundeulgo
nae gimalhan jakeun nawei pan weouro
areumduphge byulbijdeureul
kadeul chaewojuneyo
malhi aphahajimah
nalkkok aneunchae dadokyojumyeo
jakjara weouro haejuneyo
keodji mothalmankkeum himekyeowon aphawado
nunmuli apeul karyeowado
kajjimothal nae sarang aphedo nan useullaeyo
jamshimado kyeote haengboghattdeon giogdeureul
kashime kanjig halkeyo
du nune suno najin jeobyuldeul
cheoreom yeongwonhi
Translation of Youme’s version:

the wind is shaking the windows,and over my small room,
the stars fill up the sky, shining brightly too many to count,
the stars reassure tired me
they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

don’t be hurt too much..they hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming. though it is unusual that my one star is bright
it is very bright, even blinding..it comes down to my shoulder
stop being so sad..it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walkthough my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

PS: Last but not least, frankly speaking I dont get whats the fuss about being 200 pounds..

Ahaha..
U know what?
Alot of people I know in gym are easily above 200 pounds..
Ahem ahem.. I AM 200 Pounds too @_@
Maybe it was just a nice number.. 200.. u know @_@
Being 300 pounds would definitely be out of this world..

I will be here..
(yes my songs are back!)

I finally found all my mp3s again..
Gosh, I thought all my student life (which was a short yet memorable moment in my life) gathering my songs were gone to waste..
But i finally found them again in my colleague’s hard disk

It all happened sometime early this year..
I usually share my songs in the server so that my colleagues can put in new songs & leech the ones they like from me..
Then one day.. when i switched on my winamp..
Gone, Kapoof, nothing

"Cannot locate source"

I was like wtf..? Who erased all my songs?
I asked everyone. no one admitted to doing it.
GOodness.. I actually started camping at some of my friend’s homes to leech their songs with a portable hard disk..
But frankly speaking, I think the marvel of MP3s is the fact that we only keep the ones that we like..
And listen to it again & again..
Although all my friend’s had quite an extensive collection, it could never compare to my own..

Anyway, fast forward
The colleague in mention has now left, & after checking the hard disk..
I found all my songs there!
I think the person must have accidentally *cut n pasted* the entire collection instead of the standard *copy  & paste*
WTF la..
I had to go on without my entire compendium of music for half a year.
You wouldnt believe how sick it was listening to the same songs (cause i only had a few spare stored on my phone as ringtones) again & again like a broken record

Almost went crazy trying to collect it all again

Now, I am reacquainting myself with my long lost songs..
Geeze..
Time to memorize a new song.
I will take it slow @_@. For now, for now, I shall attempt to remember its "I will be here, by Clay Aiken for me.."
Should be easy.. ahaha English songs r simple to memorize, its the chinese & korean ones that take awhile (memorize by sound, i dont know wtf they r singing half the time anyway..)

I will be here, By Clay Aiken

Tomorrow morning
If you wake up
And the sun does not appear
I will be here

If in the dark
We lose sight of love
Hold my hand and have no fear
I will be here

I will be here
When you feel like being quiet
When you need to speak your mind
I will listen
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin’
Through the winning, losing, and trying
We’ll be together
‘Cause I will be here

Tomorrow morning
If you wake up
And the future
Is unclear
I will be here..

Sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
I will be here

I will be here
You can cry on my shoulder
When the mirror tells us we’re older
I will hold you
And I will be here
When the laughter turns to cryin’
Through the winning, losing, and trying
We’ll be together

I will be true
To the promise I have made
To you, and to the one
Who gave you to me

I will be here

And just as sure as seasons are made for change
Our lifetimes are made for years
So I
I will be here
We’ll be together

‘Cause I will be here

Ahaha okla, memorized! @_@

After this, i will attempt the theme song by Kim Ah Jung, from the 200 pound beauty! @_@
I think its called Byul..

Wahaha..
I wonder if the karaoke has this song yet..
Geeze its a girl’s voice..
I wonder if I can carry the tune