Dreamseeker

Today was just another one of those days.
I had fever. I tossed through the hours..
As the sun broke across the horizon, I shivered in the morning as I contemplated what I should do today..

Do i just fuck it & try to catch up some sleep that my body so desires…?
Or should I worry about all of the things left undone..?

What felt like hours lapsed into minutes of inexorable clarity..

I shifted my feet away from the bed..& heaved my corpse out of my bed…
This was just a bad day..
There were so many times I wanted to just lose my temper.. Geeze
I wonder why I have to be so patient..

As the day trudged by, I guess my sense of duty won.
As I walked into the office of my final client..
I sat in silence.. pondering what she told me..
"We shall continue our efforts in making profitable growth" She sounded so proud after mouthing those words..
I of course then sheepishly asked her..
"So boss, Whats the difference between growth & profitable growth..?"
Her enlightening reply struck me with surprise..

"Well.. the big difference is, the part on making profit. You see.. alot of companies experience a trend of growth.. Thats normal. You generate more revenue, your clients increase. Your costs go up, & your expenses skyrockets to meet the demand. But all that happens is that their revenue generated is used to feed their expansion. There is little that goes towards profit.

Profitable growth means making a profit,  yet growing steadily."

Oh my god.. that made the wheels turn in my head.
Hmm.. I guess that kind of answered my long burning question.
Personally I have been doing this (as in building the company) for the last 4 years.. but it struck me as oddly true.
We have been growing. I see the business expanding, I see the team grow.. our clientele doesnt fail to impress. But oddly enough we never really make much profit.

Ahaha.. I guess it took an outsider to tell me what I needed to acknowledge. I kind of know what I should do now..
But that makes things really complicated doesnt it..?

The reason why we have been growing, is because we do our best.. each time. It doesnt matter who the client is, we just make things happen.

We never shirk our responsibilities.
Be it a 500 dollar job, a 20000 dollar job.. we put in the same amount of effort.
I guess this is why things have gone so well.. & also why things have gone so wrong.

The last 6 weeks have been terrible. Every waking moment of my life has been spent worrying about things undone. Why is that so..? I think its because I have found it tough to say no.

About being firm to saying no when its not worth our while commercially to pursue a deal.
You see, when we dont say no, we are bound by duty to deliver. Even if th value doesnt add up to the costs of delivering.

The expectations of clients who pay really low .. ARENT really low at all. So we end up spending the same amount of effort for thos clients, as we do for the better ones.
This is why we are calling it even. The funds we gain, are channeled towards non-productive projects.

I guess its true that they say it isnt the quantity that counts, but rather the quality.
This is especially more so in the service line, whereby it is truly our time that reflects how much we can earn.

Cut the long story short.. this means we need to drop the low value clients.. & only service the better paying ones.
Damn, that kind of sucks..
I always wanted to be able to do my bit for mankind by doing what I do best..

But if its only the the rich & famous…

Then whats the point..?
I guess I am in an interesting paradox.
To make a difference, I need to make tough decisions.

Geeze.. growing up isnt that easy after all…

WTF man.. @_@

I guess I will have to make a call. Let’s just see what the rising sun has to bring tomorrow..
Maybe if this fever breaks I’ll get to think clearly once more

I heard from  a friend, that growing wiser is all about learning from other people’s mistakes.
Being smart just means getting it right the first time.

I dont fancy myself as being too smart.. but I do believe wisdom should take a brighter role in my life from now onwards.

Wonder if that makes any sense..?