Dreamseeker

I guess its about time I wrote of brighter things in life.
AHaha.. aside from personal life, I guess my job has been going pretty OK this year @_@
I guess I should focus on the nicer things that have happened..
I cant believe its already 1 year since I made my last new year’s resolution

Okay.. lets compile list of goods & bads..

GOOD
We won projects… I think we made *abit* of money hehe
We shifted office! Bigger.. brighter.. new carpet.. @_@
I started going to bigger gym! (my old gym had no chicks no air con.. no sauna.. etc)
Met alot of people. I guess travelling does give you a wider perspective.
I started paying myself (last time i didnt take salary leh.. so cham.. @_@)
Company now has 6 people (last time only me yah)
I travelled to Phuket.. Haadyai
Got to visit strip joints & see see (Nothing special.. my girl looks better @_@)
Saw my first live kick boxing show (Wow.. really violent. Real blood spurting everywhere)
I travelled to the Sabah.. for a conference
Felt kinda flattered. People often mistook me for a japanese/korean guy in Sabah ahaha.
I think I tasted all the fish in the sea already. (I ate seafood for 6 days in a row while i was there)
I realized that rich people are normal people (I sat down for breakfast with the founders of Ekowood, QL Berhad, Puncak Niaga.. etc etc. Talked about their families.. their aspirations about their kids when they grow up, etc etc. I guess everyone is .. really like you & me. I found it humbling)
I got to meet lots of friendly kadazan chicks
I got to touch Korean chicks! (Oklar.. I just shook their hands, but wow.. the translators were hot)
I plan to buy a new car.. (Its a Hilux! @_@ 4WD)
I also plan to buy a house..
My mom is happier now, that my dad is spending more time with her (retiring liao..)
I think my Bahasa Melayu has improved alot. (I got alot of Malay clients ler..)
I attended a friend’s wedding (my first friend’s wedding ceremony!)
Seemed to have made a few more friends (as in real friend lar, not acquaintance)
I found my fav fast food eatery! (Manhattan’s FIsh Market! Yummy)
I found someone special ..
For once in my life I actually did for a girl all the things I wanted to do (Its ok to give in! I felt quite happy actually buying soft toys for the 1st time in my life)
I started writing again (oklar, its still dark poetry, but I cant help it.. its just me)
Will learn to write of brighter poems (Pray for me, need good events for inspiration..)

BAD
I got more mouths to feed.. (pressure)
Fuel price increase (I travel!! Alot!! *sigh* )
My bullshit skills seems to be getting stale, gotta learn new stories to cough up.
Kentucky chicken seems to taste funny nowadays (I can picture featherless chickens… @_@)
I havent gone to korea yet.. wonder if the ladies are as gorgeous as the ones on TV
I am still waiting for a client to ask me to bring them to a papaya farm (ahaha.. just wishful thinking..)
Havent gone to China yet. I heard my friends saying its easy to get mistresses there. (Ahaha.. i’ll just go for sightseeing.. nothing wrong kua..)
Had alot of problems with the girl i liked (alot of 3rd party issues.. *dont ask*)
Head hurts each time I go to sleep (also because of girl..)
Heart hurts each time I got nothing to do (also because of girl..)
Felt like dying at one point in time (oklar, last time got pissed at parents, just felt like running away.. but this die die thing is abit new to me..)

Hmm, I guess thats about all I have on my mind.
I guess after penning all of this down, the blatant thing which is obvious is that things didnt go that bad.

The why does my heart still ache? ahaha
I guess I now know why some people say you could have all the money in the world, but money cannot buy happiness..
I dont have alot of money @_@ anyway.. but i heard it can help you be unhappy in nice places? @_@

Ahaha.. I guess I can look back a this entry next year & laugh.

As I take this step forward, I’d like to share with everyone what kept me sane over the years..
"Success is a matter of hanging on, when others have let go.."
The proverb above is truly truly.. .. err.. proverbial ahaha

Each time I wanted to quit or give up on something, the only thing that held me back was that sentence.

I hope it can also do the same for you.

Life may be full of regrets, but the present is the gift of choice.
You can decide to be happy, or sad. Its really up to us

I think all of us can make a difference. You just have to want to make that difference.
@_@

I was listening to a song from Stephen Bishop the other day..

"Looking back as lovers go walking past…

All of my life
…
Wondering how they met and what makes it last

If I found the place

Would I recognize the face?"

I recognize .. her @_@..
The one I have been waiting for all my life..

I guess the best things in life are never easy..
MY uncle used to tell me..
"Success is a matter of hanging on when others have let go.."
I guess that is now my mantra.

There have been so many things I have fought for.. & lost..
Be it in business or in life..  I thought the 2 never mixed?

I used to think love & work ethics were separate..
But I guess life is actually quite simple.. its all the same.
Fight for it.. dont give up.. & if you want it hard enough, it will come true.

Ahaha.. I guess I must have been a mealy mouthed preacher when in my past life, to have had such thoughtful rhetoric bounced back at me when I’m down..

But I am grateful.
Tough putting on a strong face for everyone when u feel like jumping off a bridge half the time.
I guess now I can focus on growing my team again, now that my heart is no longer drowning

The best things in life are free..
The freedom to speak..
A sky to gaze upon..
And a pair of hands, fading into the sunset..

"So many quiet walks to take

So many dreams to wake
…"

Ahaha.. I guess its hard to write a love story without being there yourself..

"I’ve been saving love songs and lullabies

And there’s so much more

No one’s ever heard before…
"

I will take care of you. I want to. Just you.

If pain had a word to describe it..
I would call it love..
If happiness was but a moment.. it would have been the day I met you..
Alas the clouds now run gray..
My heart seems to weep with seasons..
Those eyes, orbs ashen with loss..
I would have let go.. if I knew that my glimpse was not etched in your slumber..
Why do your lips speak against your heart?
If I could turn back the sands of time, I would not turn back..
But face you still my love..
Perhaps only tears shall tell,
The soft earth upon my gaze now fell..
I seek your eyes where u would not..
To mind the truth, your heart forgot..
I walk alone, the moon now dim..
I fall alone.. where no one sees…
Each step, now fades..  I walk alone..

Notes:

I dont know why things got so complicated..
I know she loves me.. but .. she makes a decision to go against her heart, because others are not happy with us being together..
What do other people have to do with this?

At some times, I wonder why I could fall in love with someone so weak..
Not strong enough to fight for those she cares for..
But .. then I remember.. playing agame once.. it is a very utopian phrase..

"I shall the sword for the weak..
& the shield for the meek.."

To me, being there for someone .. i care for.. is .. like being in my own rpg @_@
To face each challenge.. each stage.. to fight.. until I witness the ending..
Sometimes the ending sucks.. but I would be lying if I did not say I did not enjoy the journey..

I guess my friend Jeremy was right.
He said I have this thing for saving sick puppies..
ahaha..
Should I let go?

KNowing that she cries at night because she does not see me..
Hurts me more than words can say…
And yet the pe0ple who care for her knows not the sorrow they inflict..

Why is life so complicated..
I thought these things only happen in movies..

Whatever it is.. I will wait for you..
I will ask you again my love..
when the moon glows bright..
I shall renew my vows my love..
Whisper to you of long tranquil..
I would promise the skies above..
If only to see you smile once more..
I would grow old with you..
To mark the seasons with my lips

I close my eyes now darling
Wet that they are now